Saturday, July 12, 2014

I Wanted You to Stay

I miss my buddy. I miss my friend. I miss the man who once called me the love of his life and who was the love of mine. Sometimes when it rains, I feel as though I am looking for him between the raindrops and sometimes when it’s bright outside, I look for him in sunlight.

I miss him and because I miss him, I am reading a book called Answers About the Afterlife by Bob Olson, although God knows, I am not looking for answers, but for him.  The book is reassuring, saying he is not dead, saying he is alive but in a form different from ours – yours and mine. It says his spirit vibrates at a level higher than ours.

It says that he is nearby, that he is close to me, that he can read my mind - read my thoughts – and that if I want, I can speak to him out loud, as though he is in the room because, after all, he is. I read that one night and fell asleep feeling safe, feeling close to him. 

In the morning when I awoke, my eyes fell first on the space beside my bed, then on a white wicker chair at the foot of my bed. And then, looking at each, I asked out loud: Are you here? Are you there? And, feeling like someone from Dr. Seuss, Are you anywhere?

I miss my friend. I miss my lover. I will miss the love of my life for the rest of my life. For him I wrote a poem. For him I would write an epic.


I Wanted You to Stay

Where have you gone?
I never wanted you to go.
I wanted you to stay.

Lost is your smile,
The arms that held me strong,
The heart that beat with mine.

Where have you gone?
Are you lost forever?
Lost from my eyes

Forever?
No. No. You cannot be lost. 
You cannot be gone.

Not for as long as
I hold you
Inside my heart…

Hold you 
Inside my heart 
Forever.